What are good intimate questions to ask a partner?

Questions about when they feel desire, what they enjoy, what they are curious about and what their boundaries are. Open questions (“what do you like about…”) work better than yes/no questions.

What if my partner does not want to answer?

Respect it and try again later in a different form. Many people answer more openly in writing or in a private questionnaire than in conversation.

How often should couples talk about sex?

Short regular check-ins – for example once a month – work better than one big talk. Desire changes, so the answers change too.

Intimate questions for couples – and how to ask them

Updated November 8, 2026

Intimate questions help partners learn what the other enjoys, wants to try and prefers to avoid. The way you ask matters as much as the questions: calm timing, curiosity instead of judgement and the freedom to answer “I don’t know yet”.

Questions about desire

When do you feel most in the mood – and what kills the mood fastest?
Is there something we did once that you would like to repeat?
Do you prefer when I start, when you start, or when we plan it?
What makes you feel desired by me?

Questions about touch and pleasure

Where do you love being touched, and where would you rather not?
Do you like it slow and gentle, or more intense – and does that change?
Is there something you would like more of, without changing anything else?

Questions about curiosity and boundaries

Is there something you have been curious about but never mentioned?
What is a firm no for you, at least for now?
What would you need to feel safe trying something new?

How to ask without pressure

Ask outside the bedroom, at a relaxed moment, and share your own answer too. Accept every answer without arguing – including “I need to think about it”.

If some questions feel too exposed to ask face to face, a private questionnaire is a good first step. In Tacitavia each partner answers alone, and the app reveals only what you both want – so the hardest questions get answered without anyone being put on the spot.

Find out what you both want – privately

Each partner answers the questionnaire alone. You get a free profile, and your “no” is never shown to your partner.

Start the free questionnaire

Common questions

What are good intimate questions to ask a partner?: Questions about when they feel desire, what they enjoy, what they are curious about and what their boundaries are. Open questions (“what do you like about…”) work better than yes/no questions.
What if my partner does not want to answer?: Respect it and try again later in a different form. Many people answer more openly in writing or in a private questionnaire than in conversation.
How often should couples talk about sex?: Short regular check-ins – for example once a month – work better than one big talk. Desire changes, so the answers change too.

This guide is general information about relationships, not medical or psychological advice. If sex causes pain or distress, talk to a doctor or a qualified therapist.